


hold on (i still need you)

by dj jiggle juice (therestisconfetti)



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Post PP3, this may or may not have spiraled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 16:35:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14359353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therestisconfetti/pseuds/dj%20jiggle%20juice
Summary: Chloe lets out a small sigh of relief. At least Beca’s going to be okay. She’ll be fine. She’s-Fuck. Beca is on the other side of that door.Beca, who she hasn’t spoken to in months.





	hold on (i still need you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [red_thread](https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_thread/gifts).



> So red_thread came at me with the general idea of this fic (which was not a fic idea at the time, just a concept) and we kind of snowballed it into a huge mess, and then I started writing and it spiraled into this really big monster, whoops. Let me know your thoughts and also feel free to hit me up on tumblr at backtobasicbellas!

Beca is  _ fine. _

She’s fine. She doesn’t need a break - doesn’t  _ want _ a break.

Should she have stayed up multiple nights this week putting together her newest track? Probably not.

But she did it anyway and it’s  _ great _ . DJ Khaled loves it.

_ And  _ she still performed two days ago at the small event Khaled’s team put together. With energy, she might add.

(Let’s leave out the fact she may or may not have felt a little dizzy every now and then during said performance.

She’s all good, she swears.)

“I’m fine,” she repeats for what feels like the millionth time as she blinks to stay awake, coffee and red bull running through her veins.

Theo looks at her with worried eyes. She scoffs. She doesn’t need a parent-like figure watching over her. She just has to work.

“Come on. Go on and get in the booth,” he says, but the worry is still in his eyes.

It’s been in his eyes a lot lately, Beca can tell. She doesn’t entertain it though. She doesn’t need him to hover. Beca is perfectly capable of looking after herself.

She rolls her eyes, but does as he says anyway. She slips on the headphones and closes her eyes. The music begins to consume her. She rocks back and forth, the melody she’s memorized playing back to her.

She remembers singing a few notes, remembers Theo asking her to do it again.

She remembers opening her mouth to do it again.

Everything goes black after that.

Beca doesn’t remember the rest.

 

* * *

 

Chloe’s checking out her groceries when her phone rings.

She frowns. Today’s her day off from working at the clinic. No one should be calling her, especially not work.

She doesn’t recognize the number at all, but she can gather it’s a Los Angeles area code, so she answers anyway.

“Hello?” she asks, mouthing a  _ thank you _ to the cashier when she’s handed back a receipt.

_ “Yes hello, is this Chloe Beale?” _

It’s a woman who sounds all official and formal. Chloe doesn’t recognize her at all.

She begins to push her cart outside of the grocery store with her free hand as she answers, “Yes, this is she. Um, who’s calling?”

_ “This is Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. I’m calling because you were listed at an emergency contact for Beca Mitchell. She’s been admitted to our hospital.” _

Chloe pulls her shopping car to a holt. She stills in the middle of the Whole Foods parking lot, eyes widening. Her stomach feels empty and her body is suddenly cold.

“I - We’re not - is she - what happened?” Chloe stutters, still unable to move, or form a proper sentenced for that matter.

_ “I think it’ll be better if you come in and we can explain the situation to you,” _ the woman on the other end tells her.

Not even two minutes later, Chloe’s groceries are haphazardly tossed into her trunk and she’s pulled up the directions to Cedars-Sinai on her phone as she speeds out of the parking lot.

 

* * *

 

Chloe’s half-speed walking half-jogging through the entrance of the hospital, eyes frantically looking for the reception desk. She’s not entirely sure if she’s legally parked - she just whipped into the first open spot she saw - and jumped out.

She finds the desk with a receptionist behind it, forcing herself to a full stop right in front of it, both hands coming to grip the counter.

“Good afternoon ma’am, how may I help you?”

And Chloe  _ knows _ she’s being the nice, polite woman the job requires her to be, but everything inside of her is running on overdrive. Her heart’s racing and her breath is shallow.

She needs to see Beca. She  _ has _ to be okay.

“Hi uh,” she starts, trying to catch her breath to complete a full sentence. “I’m here for Beca Mitchell. She - I’m her emergency contact.”

It feels weird to say that. She figures Beca forgot to change her emergency contact.

She hasn’t talked to Beca in months.

“One moment please,” the woman says, and it takes everything inside of Chloe not to burst out  in panic.

She needs to see Beca. Beca needs to be okay. What is happening?

About a million situations are flying through her head at the moment, most of which make her sick because in those, Beca is in poor condition.

What if she got hit by a car?

What if she got shot?

What if-

“Ah yes I have her file pulled up here,” she says in an eerily calm voice - which,  _ hello _ clearly this isn’t a great situation? - and looks at Chloe. “I’ll have her doctor come and bring you. He will be able to explain the situation.”

Chloe wants to suggest she can just go there now - not that Chloe actually knows how to get around Cedar-Sinai anyway - but instead, like she’s on autopilot.

“Okay,” she responds instead with a nod. “Thank you.”

It’s only two minutes, but to the redhead it feels like eternity.

She thinks about the last exchange she had with Beca.

Her heart hurts.

A lot.

“Chloe Beale?” a voice calls.

Chloe turns to see a man in a white coat approaching her, clipboard in hand. She nods at the sound of her name, immediately stepping over to meet him. “Yes, that’s me,” she tells him.

He nods in understanding, beckoning her over. “I’ll take you to Beca.”

She mumbles a thank you and quickly falls into stride with him, trying to eye his clipboard.

“Beca had you listed in her emergency contacts,” she starts - and Chloe’s growing impatient because she  _ knows _ that already. “Are you a co-worker of hers or a close friend of some sorts?”

Chloe opens her mouth, but nothing comes out as hesitation seeps in. What is she supposed to say?

“I - um,” she stutters, trying to figure out the right words. “I’m actually her ex-girlfriend.”

She settles for the truth because really, what else is she supposed to say? Chloe has a thing for obeying authority when it comes to people like the police or doctors or other occupations of the sort.

“Ah,” he says, and she can tell it’s suddenly a little awkward. “Thank you for coming.”

“What happened to her?” Chloe asks almost desperately. “Is Beca going to be okay? How did she end up here?”

The doctor lets out a long sigh. “She was in the studio when she collapsed in the middle of a recording session,” he begins and Chloe inwardly gasps. “It seems she’s been overworking herself. It’s a combination of exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition. She hasn’t been looking out for her body.”

Chloe’s chest aches because in that moment she thinks back to all the nights Beca would stay up, entranced by nothing else but her headphones, computer, and equipment. Often there would be a can of red bull or espresso to keep her going.

“Beca,” Chloe would say on those nights having gotten out of bed because the other half was still empty.

Beca wouldn’t hear her, music blasting through her headphones. Chloe would shake her head, walking over and tugging them off.

“Come to bed,” she’d murmur, leaning down to wrap an arm around the artist.

“I swear I’m almost done,” Beca promises, eyes not tearing away from her screen.

Chloe would laugh, resting her forehead against Beca’s temple. “You said that two hours ago. Sweetie, you need sleep.”

Beca would let out a long sigh, exhaustion seeping through. Chloe would press a kiss to her hair and with that Beca would slide off her headphones.

“Okay,” she’d say standing up. “Bed time it is.”

Chloe would let her lead the way, wrapping her arms over Beca’s shoulders from behind, peppering kisses in her hair, on her cheeks, on her neck.

“I love you,” she’d say as they settled into bed.

“I love you. Good night,” Beca would answer, pressing a kiss to Chloe’s bare shoulder before closing her eyes.

“Ms. Beale?”

Chloe blinks, being brought back to the present. Beca’s doctor stands in front of her, looking slightly concerned. They’ve come to a stop at what Chloe guesses is Beca’s 

She straightens her posture just a bit.

“Sorry,” she apologizes. “How is she doing now?”

“We’re injecting fluids in her system. Her vitals are slowly coming back to normal. She’s going to need to take it easy for the next few days.”

Chloe lets out a small sigh of relief. At least Beca’s going to be okay. She’ll be fine. She’s-

Fuck. Beca is on the other side of that door.

Beca, who she hasn’t spoken to in months.

“Is she awake?” Chloe suddenly asks.

He shakes her head, and her body relaxes just a little bit. “She’s resting at the moment, but she’ll be in and out of it for the next hour or so. Don’t be surprised if she wakes up soon.”

“Am I…am I allowed to see her?”

Does Chloe  _ want _ to see her?

“Of course,” he nods. “She’s allowed to have visitors. Do you have any other questions?”

Chloe shakes her head no and he walks away, probably off to look after another patient. She stares at the handle, wondering if she should walk in. She could leave right now. Beca would never know she ever even came. No one would know besides the people she’s interacted with so far.

What if Beca’s awake? What is she supposed to say?

But Chloe has always cared too much, especially when it comes to the brunette with the grasshopper tattoo and frequent sass in her words. She knows it’ll stay on her conscious if she  _ doesn’t  _ check on Beca, make sure that she’s really okay.

So with a deep breath, she grabs the handle and pushes the door open.

She isn’t quite sure what she’s expecting when she makes it to the other side, but she finds Beca lying under the sheets with an IV in her arm and a monitor keeping up with her vitals.

Chloe slowly enters the room, eyes fixated on the sleeping Beca Mitchell.

She’s paler than usual, a feat Chloe didn’t think Beca could accomplish. She’s thinner than the last time Chloe saw her, too. Her stomach drops because Beca has never looked more fragile and vulnerable than she does right now.

It frightens Chloe as she approaches the edge of the bed, noticing the way Beca is breathing, but that’s the only hint that she’s getting back to normal.

How did it get like this?

How could this happen?

There’s a fear inside of Chloe that Beca will open her eyes at any second and find Chloe standing there, watching her. But what if she wants Beca to see her?

She lets out a quiet sigh, and with slight hesitation, she reaches over and lays a ghost of her hand over Beca’s.

Beca’s hand moves underneath her and Chloe’s eyes widen. She pulls away as if she’s been burned, realizing that this is  _ very _ real and Beca could literally open her eyes right now.

She doesn’t think she’s ready for that.

So she takes one last look at Beca, thanks the aca-gods she’s going to be okay, and briskly makes her exit. Just as she shuts the door behind her, she looks up to find none other than Theo approaching.

“Chloe,” he greets, looking more confused than he usually does.

He’s got a bag of potato chips in one hand and his phone on the other. Chloe figures this is how Beca got to the hospital in the first place. She shouldn’t be surprised that Theo’s here.

“Theo,” she answers right back.

They both stand there for a moment, unsure of what to do next.

“What are you doing here?” he finally asks.

“I was just - I’m still listed as Beca’s emergency contact,” she explains.

“Oh,” Theo says dumbly.

This is so incredibly awkward and Chloe wants to make her exit, but something keeps her there.

She and Theo were never close, but he’d been nice enough. He’d actually been super supportive of Beca and Chloe while they were together, even if Beca’s newly hired publicist didn’t think it’d be a good idea for Beca to be in a serious relationship while she was starting out. He’d always been sure to make sure Chloe always got the in to whatever the label was holding for Beca, let her come hang out in the studio, even helped her surprise Beca a few times with surprise trips.

Theo’s a good guy, but just like with Beca, she hasn’t spoken to him in months either.

“I wanted to make sure she’s okay,” Chloe reasons, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “She isn’t awake.”

“The doctors said her vitals are returning to normal,” he explains, repeating what Chloe had heard from the doctor.

“Good,” she says after a beat. “I’m going to head out now,” Chloe announces. “Um, it was good to see you.”

Theo nods in his awkward manner, and Chloe can tell he wants to say more.

“Please take care of her,” she requests, beginning to walk away.

“Chloe,” he calls out, and she turns around. “It’s been hard without you.”

She sighs. “Theo, I-“

“You know she won’t listen to me,” he reasons. “There’s only one person she’ll listen to.”

Chloe’s shoulders drop. She can’t be having this conversation right now with Theo, not in the hospital where Beca has been admitted to for overworking herself. 

“I have to go,” she tells him and quickly walks away.

He doesn’t say anything else, but she knows he’s watching her until she rounds the corner.

 

* * *

 

When Beca wakes up, Theo is peering at her with a curious expression.

“What the hell?” she mutters. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

She feels weird. Something isn’t right.

“Good morning workaholic,” he deadpans.

She glares at him. “I’m not a-“

Her sentence is cut short when she looks past Theo and sees sterile white  _ everything. _ She turns her head, noticing all the monitors and the sink in the corner and-

What the fuck?

“Where am I?” Beca asks, the panic slightly rising inside of her. “What happened?”

Theo sighs, handing her a bottle of cool blue gatorade. “You’re in the hospital, Beca. You collapsed during our recording session.”

“What? That’s not possible,” Beca reasons, snatching the gatorade out of his hand and unscrewing it immediately. She notices the IV in her arm, her eyes following the wire until she sees the bag of fluid and the monitor right next to it.

“It happened,” Theo assures her, taking a seat in the chair pulled up next to the bed. “Beca, this isn’t healthy-“

“I told you I’m fine Theo,” she snaps.

He isn’t taking her shit today though, and he gives her a hard look. “Take a look around, Beca. You’re in the hospital because you’re overworking yourself, not eating, and not letting yourself rest.”

Beca is quiet for a moment before he lets out a grunt, leaning back against the wall behind her bed. She has a scowl on her face as she sips on the gatorade provided by Theo.

“You need to take care of yourself,” her executive producer tells her, this time in a more gentle voice.

“Whatever.”

Deep down, Beca knows he’s right. She knows she’s been doing way too much lately. She knows she shouldn’t be pulling all nighters, that she should be eating regularly, that staying hydrated is important. She knows all that things, but she just…forgets. Sometimes when it’s just music in front of her, everything else comes second.

And sometimes, with music, it makes it easier to forget the way her heart doesn’t feel whole on most days, that it aches when she’s alone at night. Her place was a home for two, and everything just looks less lived in since…

Beca tries to force the thoughts out of her mind.

It’s not until after a long stretch of silence that Theo says, “You had a visitor earlier.”

“Who?” Beca asks, figuring it was probably someone she works for probably ready to yell at her for being so stubborn.

Theo looks at her with so much purpose it almost unsettles Beca.

“Chloe.”

It takes Beca a moment to process the two syllables Theo just spoke to her.

There’s the tiniest spark of light and hope inside of Beca when she understands.

Then, there’s panic.

“What?” she asks with wide eyes. “Why was she here? Dude, I swear to god if you called her I’m going to kill you.”

“It wasn’t me,” Theo immediately promises, throwing his hands up. “She’s still listed as your emergency contact. The hospital called her when you were admitted.”

Beca slowly closes her mouth, staring at Theo for a moment. Chloe’s still listed as her emergency contact? She didn’t change it when they broke up?

“Oh.”

“Beca,” he says, and he wants her to  _ get _ something that she isn’t and it’s slightly infuriating. “She came to see you and make sure you were okay.”

There’s a beat and then Beca understands what Theo’s trying to say. She busies herself with screwing the gatorade cap back on the bottle as she says, “And? Chloe’s like, the most caring person on the planet, not coming to check on me would’ve ridden her conscious forever.”

Theo lets out a sigh and Beca’s known him long enough to know it’s one of those sighs he lets out when he’s frustrated with Beca, when she’s being stubborn and not budging.

“She’s worried,” Theo adds quietly. “She looks all out of sorts.”

Beca keeps her eyes focused on the gatorade bottle in her hands. Of course Chloe’s worried. Chloe worries about stray puppies in the streets and whether or not her patients at the clinic are getting the right amount of love and affection from their owners. She’s rainbows and sunshine and puppies rolled into one with a heart of gold.

Of course she’s worried. Because that’s just who she is.

Not because it’s Beca that was in trouble.

Beca snaps her eyes back up to Theo, cold and unmoving.

(Theo catches the flicker of hurt in them, though. He’s learned to read Beca well over their time spent together.)

“She’s not my girlfriend anymore, Theo. It doesn’t matter.”

They’re locked in a staring contest for a few moments, neither of them saying a word. It’s only broken because Theo’s phone rings and he’s forced to look away.

“It’s Khaled,” he sighs, standing up. Before he answers it, he tosses Beca’s phone onto the bed by her legs. “You have five missed calls from Stacie, by the way.”

Beca watches him exit the room.

Chloe Beale was here. She’d come to check in on Beca, her ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend.

It doesn’t mean anything.

 

* * *

 

Chloe spends a total of seven minutes sitting in her car collecting herself the best she can. Once she thinks she looks presentable enough to run into someone without have a mental breakdown, she collects her groceries and takes the elevator up the apartment complex.

She knows Aubrey is probably home, and Chloe will put on her best damn face because the last thing she needs is Aubrey panicking or interrogating her.

(Chloe’s been living with Aubrey since she moved out of Beca’s place.

Aubrey had moved to Los Angeles after finally quitting her job at the Lodge, the appeal of law calling to her once again since graduation.)

With one last deep breath, she enters the apartment with her groceries. Aubrey is sitting at the dining room table, typing away at her laptop. As soon as she hears the door open, she looks up.

“Hey Bree,” Chloe greets, trying to sound as casual as she can.

“You were gone for awhile,” Aubrey comments, and Chloe can tell she’s watching her carefully.

“Uh yeah,” the redhead nods, placing her groceries on the counter, beginning to pull things out and put them in their right places. “Super busy today at Whole Foods, and then I ran a few extra errands.”

Aubrey lets out a hum, eyes following Chloe as she flitters between the kitchen and the pantry. “I got a call from Stacie today,” she informs Chloe.

“Oh?” Chloe says, unsure where this conversation is going as she places her almond milk in the fridge. “How are she and Bella?”

“Fine,” Aubrey shrugs.

Chloe can feel Aubrey’s eyes still on her. She just  _ knows _ how tense Aubrey is at the dining room table. She turns, holding her gaze.

“What?” she asks, wondering how much longer she can hold it together.

“I know Beca was admitted to the hospital,” Aubrey tells her, crossing her arms. 

Chloe’s eyes slightly widen. “How did you - and Stacie? What?”

The blonde sighs, standing from her seat and walking over to Chloe, who stands numbly by their kitchen counter. “Stacie is Beca’s other emergency contact,” she explains. “So I guess when Stacie told them she isn’t in Los Angeles, they called you.”

(Chloe faintly remembers making this decision with Beca.

“Why can’t it be Aubrey?”

“Aubrey would tell me how stupid I am for whatever reason I’m in the hospital.”

“She doesn’t hate you anymore, you know.”

“I know, but still. Why can’t it be Stacie?”

“Stacie isn’t even  _ in _ California.”

“Well you’re here. So they only really need to get a hold of you.”

“Fine, I guess.”)

“I’m still her emergency contact,” Chloe says softly, looking down.

Aubrey softens then, reaching out and placing a hand on Chloe’s shoulder. “You went to the hospital once they called, didn’t you?” 

Chloe nods and she feels Aubrey give her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “They wouldn’t tell me on the phone so I - I was so worried, Bree. I was so scared, what if something really really bad happened?”

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she will be. She’s been overworking herself,” Chloe almost whispers. “Just like when she’d stay up all night making mixes, but…it’s so bad, Bree. I’ve never seen her so…fragile. She looked like she could break at any moment.”

Chloe feels her throat tighten because she’s thinking about the sight of Beca in the hospital and before she knows it Aubrey’s arms are around her and she’s being pulled into her best friend. Her face digs into the blonde shoulders and she forces herself to take slow and steady breaths.

“Oh Chloe,” she murmurs, a hand gently rubbing Chloe’s back. “I know.”

Chloe doesn’t have to say much, but Aubrey knows exactly what she’s feeling.

Aubrey was there on that day at the activities fair, discreetly glaring as Chloe stuck a flyer out towards Beca anyway.

She was there when Chloe cried because Beca picked Jesse and not her, the ICCA win not enough to silence the pain.

She was there when Beca and Chloe fell apart at the Lodge, and there that night when they were mended back together.

She was there for every god damn up and down Chloe’s ever had with Beca, and she’s here now.

She understands everything Chloe doesn’t have the strength to say.

 

* * *

 

_ “Are you sure I don’t need to fly out there?” _ Stacie asks for the fifth time in the past two days.  _ “I mean I would obviously need to bring Bella too, but I think I can work something out.” _

Beca laughs softly, shaking her head even though she knows Stacie can’t see her. “You don’t need to put your life on hold,” she promises. “I’m good now. Theo just brought me back to my place.”

Stacie lets out a loud and dramatic sigh that causes Beca to roll her eyes. Some things never change. Like Stacie being a drama queen.

_ “If you promise me you won’t do that shit again,”  _ Stacie tells her seriously.  _ “That scared me to death Becs.” _

“I know and I’m sorry,” Beca tells her, and she means it.

Since her freshman year at Barden, she and Stacie have always had some sort of bond that she’s never been able to describe. They’ve always had an unspoken agreement that they’d have each other’s backs. Stacie teased her mercilessly and made her uncomfortable more often than not, but she was always ready to back Beca up in a heartbeat.

_ “Please take care of yourself. I’m serious this time.” _

“I will I will,” Beca tells her, running a hand through her hair. “Do you really think I want to be in the hospital again?”

Stacie laughs and it makes Beca smile.  _ “You’re right.” _

“Of course I am,” Beca snorts.

Stacie lets out a steady hum before she asks,  _ “Have you heard from Chloe?” _

The question takes Beca by surprise. Her eyebrows furrow together as she answers, “What? No. Why would I hear from her?”

_ “I know she’s still your emergency contact,”  _ Stacie says.  _ “Aubrey told me Chloe went to the hospital when you were admitted.” _

“I really have to change that,” Beca grumbles, glaring at nothing in particular. “And wow, do you and Aubrey just love to talk about us or what? Why can’t you flirt like normal people?”

(Stacie had told Beca that she and Aubrey used to casually hook up throughout college.

Beca put together the fact that Aubrey’s always been  _ more _ than a fling to Stacie.)

Stacie ignores her jab.  _ “Be serious here for a second. Chloe went out of her way to see you. She’s obviously concerned. _ ”

“No,” Beca says immediately. “Chloe came because she’s literally the most caring person on the planet. She’d go if it was you or some stranger she ran into one time on the street. That’s just who she is.”

_ “God you sound like you used to before you dated Chloe,”  _ Stacie tells her, and Beca isn’t sure how to react to that.  _ “I think she still loves you, Becs. And I know you still love her, too.” _

“Of course I still love her!” Beca almost shouts. “She’s the one who broke up with me, remember? She’s the one who left.”

Stacie lets out a frustrated noise.  _ “I know that. I just think-” _

“Stacie,” she suddenly says. “I have emails I have to respond to since I can’t go into the studio today. I can’t have this conversation right now.”

_ “Beca please-” _

“Bye, I’ll text you later or something,” she tells Stacie quickly before hanging up. 

She has half a mind to throw her phone across the room regardless of the fact she’ll shatter her screen. She doesn’t though, and instead she settles for tossing it to the opposite end of the couch she’s sitting on, glaring at it as if it has some sort of fault.

Stupid Stacie and her stupid questions and her stupid need to bring up Chloe.

Beca stands and stomps angrily to her bedroom, leaving her phone on the couch, and falls into bed.

She tries not to think how much bigger this bed has become when there’s only one person sleeping in it instead of two.

 

* * *

 

Aubrey watches Chloe during dinner.

She watches as Chloe hardly touches her food, how she pokes at it rather than eat. She notices the way Chloe’s smile doesn’t meet her eyes at all. She recognizes the quietness in Chloe’s voice and the distracted glances she’ll throw to the side or down to the table.

“You’re worried about her,” Aubrey says when the silence drags on for too long for what feels like the millionth time since they’ve sat down.

Chloe’s eyes snap up to meet Aubrey’s, a sea of blue that Aubrey hasn’t quite seen so distressed. She opens her mouth, and Aubrey thinks her best friend’s about to play dumb or deny it, but neither of those come.

“She collapsed at a recording session,” Chloe reminds her. “What if it happens again?”

Aubrey twists her lips as she fidgets with the fork still in her hand. There’s something on the tip of her tongue, and Chloe notices it right away.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Aubrey tries, turning her attention back to her near empty plate.

“That wasn’t nothing,” Chloe persists. “You want to say something.”

Aubrey exhales, putting her fork down and focusing her gaze on Chloe, who has that look in her eye that dares Aubrey to tell her what she’s thinking. They’re so well-versed in each other now after years of friendship that she knows there’s no going back.

“I think you should talk to her.”

Chloe tilts her head slightly in shock, brows furrowing as she narrows her eyes. “I’m sorry, you think I should talk to my ex-girlfriend who I broke up with?”

“She’s not just an ex-girlfriend, she’s Beca.”

“Which makes it worse,” Chloe points out in a  _ duh _ voice. “She probably hates me, Aubrey.”

Aubrey frowns. “She could never hate you.”

Chloe quirks an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Because she definitely seems like she hates me. She hasn’t talked to me.”

“You haven’t talked to her either,” her best friend lightly points out.

“Because why would she want to hear from me?” 

“Maybe she misses you.”

Chloe scoffs, but she looks towards the ceiling and blinks away the tears she hadn’t realized were forming in her eyes.

“God,” she hisses, taking a breath.

She wishes it wasn’t like this. She wishes she could make sure Beca’s okay, to even prevent all of this from happening. She wishes she could’ve done more.

Not once did she stop caring about Beca. Never. As much as she hates to admit it, Aubrey’s right: she’s not just another ex. She’s  _ Beca. _ Beca, who Chloe would work through choreography again and again until she got it right. Beca, who helped her hold together a group of chaotic girls with nothing but a capella. Beca, who would always pick a night in with Chloe to watch movies than a wild night out at a frat house or the bars and clubs in new cities once they graduated.

So yeah, Beca’s always been more.

“I miss her,” Chloe admits in a strained voice.

Aubrey softens at the sound of Chloe’s voice, so broken and out of place for someone who has a trademark sunshine personality.

“I know,” she replies.

They sit there in silence for a moment, Chloe trying to stop the tears from spilling over and Aubrey wondering how they’ve gotten to this place: a place where Beca and Chloe are without each other and Chloe’s cheery disposition seems lifetimes away.

“You’re both clearly miserable,” she starts gently, bringing Chloe’s attention back to her. “This break up hasn’t done any good for either of you. You’re both still hurting.”

“I didn’t want to hold her back,” Chloe explains in a small voice. “She’s going to do so many big things and-“

“Chloe Beale don’t you dare say you were holding Beca back,” Aubrey warns seriously, and Chloe’s eyes slightly widen at her tone. “Since the day you two met you’ve always been pushing Beca to be better. You make her better; you always have.”

The blonde laughs, shaking her head. “That little idiot looks at you like you’re God’s personal gift to her. Chloe, she wouldn’t even  _ be _ where she is without you.”

Chloe lets out a long breath, running a hand through her hair.

“Do you still love her?” Aubrey asks.

“More than anything.”

“She needs to know that,” she sighs, leaning over and squeezing Chloe’s hand. “before this ruins you both.”

 

* * *

 

Beca can feel Theo’s eyes on her.

She’s felt them on her the entire day - as soon as she walked into the studio, during their meeting with the team, while they sat on a phone interview, while she plays with the downbeats of her latest track. 

“What?” she snaps, finally looking up from the soundboard to glare at Theo.

“I’m not doing anything,” he shrugs.

“You keep looking at me.”

“Am I not allowed to look at you?”

Beca wants to wipe that little cheeky look off his face. She’s definitely not in the mood for this today.

“You know what I’m fucking talking about,” she tells him. “I’m not some helpless stray dog, you know. I can take care of yourself.”

“The doctors said to keep an eye on you,” Theo informs her.

She rolls her eyes. “I’m eating. I’m drinking water. I’m sleeping. I didn’t almost die.”

Theo opens his mouth to argue, but once sharp look from the artist and he thinks better of it.

“Now if you excuse me I’m trying to do some actual  _ work _ here,” she adds, hunching over the soundboard again as she plays back the recording they just did.

Beca lets herself nod along to the music, hands moving every few beats to see what would happen if she changed on thing or another. She knows she’s supposed to let other people do this, that she’s really only supposed to be singing and that’s it, but producing tracks is something she’s done since the start. She’s always itching to play around with the music, see if there’s something better she can do.

It also keeps her distracted, doesn’t let her think about much else.

Music has always been an escape.

“You ever think you work too much?”

Beca resists the urge to throw something at Theo because can’t they just work on this damn track in peace?

“You ever think you talk too much?” she snarks back.

Theo sighs, turning the volume down so the track becomes nothing more than a faint noise. “This is your health we’re talking about, Beca. Talk to me for a second.”

She scowls at him. “I don’t want to talk about it. Ever thought of that?”

“You ended up in the hospital.”

“I’m fine now.”

Theo looks at her incredulously. “Was that not enough of a wake up call?” He’s raised his voice, which Theo  _ never _ does, and it stuns Beca enough that all she’s capable of is staring at him with wide eyes. “I didn’t say anything because you’re capable of figuring your shit out on your own, but Jesus Christ Beca, get a grip. This isn’t healthy, seriously.”

Beca doesn’t say anything. She just looks at Theo who, despite his usual calm and collected demeanor, is looking at Beca like she’s fallen of the rails. And maybe she has.

“I know the break up hurt,” he continues, his shoulders dropping as he approaches the topic. “but throwing yourself into your work to the point where you don’t think about or do anything else is dangerous. This isn’t - you can’t keep doing this.”

He looks at her like he’s trying to make her understand, and Beca feels the guilt in the pit of her stomach. 

They’re silent for two long beats and then, “I’m sorry.”

It’s small and quiet and completely out of place for Beca, but it’s there between them now.

Theo lets out a tired sigh, leaning back into his chair before he stands. “I think you should go home,” he suggests, running a hand through his short hair. “We’ve gotten enough done today.”

Instead of argue or completely ignore him, Beca stands slowly and grabs her bag. He watches her quietly. She begins to walk past him, but she can’t help herself.

“I didn’t mea-”

“I know,” Theo tells her. “Just - take care of yourself today.”

“Okay.”

She walks out and feels like her insides are caving in.

 

* * *

 

Chloe sits in her car, leaning back against her seat.

“You’re fine,” she murmurs. “You need this.”

About a million scenarios play in her mind, each one making her cringe just a little.

She’s hesitant again, unsure of herself.

“Fuck it,” she mumbles after a moment.

 

* * *

 

Beca has been trying to work on her latest track for the past two hours.

Somehow, she can’t figure out why it doesn’t sound right. There’s something off about it, perhaps something missing. She drops her headphones in frustration onto her desk, pushing off and out of her chair to pad into the kitchen.

Maybe chugging coffee will get her to focus and figure out what’s wrong with her track.

Coffee. At eleven at night. Yes.

She’s barely pulling out a coffee mug from the cabinet when there’s a knock on the door.

Beca’s lips turn down into a frown. She wonders if it’s Theo or someone else from the label coming to check on her. She knows Theo’s just looking out but she  _ really _ doesn’t want to sit through someone trying to get her to talk about her feelings.

Frown still present, she makes her way to the door, opening it without a thought. There’s an “Whatever it is I’m  _ fine” _ ready to come from her lips, automatic and well-rehearsed. She opens her mouth to speak, but she stops herself because it’s not Theo or another member of the label on the other side.

It’s Chloe.

Beca blinks just to make sure she’s not hallucinating, but when she opens her eyes again it’s red hair and blue eyes and Beca doesn’t quite remember how to breathe.

It’s been months since she’s seen Chloe, and now here she is with an unreadable expression on her face, eyes looking softer than Beca remembers them being.

“Hi,” Chloe greets in a quiet voice, taking in the sight before her.

The brunette’s hair is slightly a mess - Chloe guesses from having her headphones on for so long - and she looks better than she did at the hospital, but there’s a tiredness in her eyes that Chloe picks up on right away.

Beca blinks again. “Uh, hey.”

They stare at each other for an awkward beat, and neither of them can remember a time they’d ever been so foreign and unfamiliar with each other.

“Can I come in?” Chloe asks hesitantly.

Beca feels like she should probably say no, that this isn’t a good idea, that Chloe could’ve come back  _ months _ ago, that she can-

“Sure,” she blurts out, allowing Chloe to walk into her apartment before shutting the door behind her.

Chloe awkwardly stands in between the entryway and the living room.

Beca thinks it’s odd that someone who used to live here looks so out of place now.

Chloe isn’t sure how a place she used to call home can feel so different.

“Why are you here, Chloe?” she asks, and as soon as it’s out she realizes she sounds a little harsh. “No that I - Not that - you - Why are you here?”

Then again, they haven’t spoken in months.

“I...wanted to check on you,” Chloe explains, biting her lip. It makes her insides hollow, how she’s second guessing everything now that she’s in front of a walking and fully conscious Beca. “I know you were in the hospital.”

“Oh,” Beca says. “Theo told me you came to the hospital.”

Chloe nods. “I did, but you were still asleep. I didn’t know if…”

The rest of Chloe’s sentence hangs between them, heaviness settling in the air.

Beca can’t remember the last time she’s felt like she and Chloe were strangers. She supposes they are now, having gone all this time without seeing each other, without constantly checking on each other.

She clears her throat. “Right. Uh - well, I’m fine now,” Beca informs Chloe. “I’m back to work and everything, so...I’m good.”

Chloe nods, taking the information in. She doesn’t quite believe Beca, not with the way she looks tired, hints of exhaustion beginning to creep back in.

There’s another awkward beat of silence.

“Chloe-” Beca starts, but Chloe’s speaking at the same time.

“You’re not doing fine,” she states.

Beca narrows her eyes. “What?”

“You’re a terrible liar when it comes to me,” Chloe tells her, crossing her arms. “How much sleep have you been getting?”

“I don’t see what-”

“How much sleep, Beca?” Chloe asks again, this time with a harder voice.

Beca just stares at her for a second before her expression turns into a glare. “You don’t get to ask me that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you haven’t even talked to me in months!” Beca exclaims, throwing her hands up wildly. “You walked out on me, Chloe! Do you remember that?”

Chloe’s taken aback at Beca’s outburst. Her eyes widen, insides hollowing again. “Beca, please-”

“No,” Beca shakes her head, growing angry. “You don’t get to walk out on me, go silent for months, and then come back because you hear I’m in the hospital!”

Chloe gapes. “They  _ called me, _ Beca! I’m still your stupid emergency contact! What else was I supposed to do?!”

“The hospital visit was enough,” Beca tells her. “You don’t have to show up here and-”

“I still care about you!” Chloe practically screams, and both of them freeze for a moment.

Beca’s ears are pounding as she shrinks into herself. She doesn’t think Chloe’s ever been so shrill with her.

Chloe lets out a breath, eyes never leaving Beca’s.

“I don’t believe you,” Beca tells her, casting her eyes away.

“Why not?”

“You left Chloe,” Beca repeats, meeting Chloe’s gaze again.

They’re both breathing hard from yelling, from being in the same space, from just looking at each other.

Beca continues, “You left me with no explanation other than ‘it’s for the best’ - which, that’s such bullshit and you know it. I - almost ten years, Chlo. I’ve spent almost ten years - since  _ Barden _ \- with you in my life and you just…I don’t get it.”

“I had to,” Chloe sighs. “I didn’t - I couldn’t -”

“You couldn’t  _ what _ Chloe?” Beca snaps, patience wearing thin.

Chloe shakes her head. “This isn’t why I’m here.”

“Well it is now.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you’re fine.”

Beca stare at Chloe, who as that daring look in her eye again. They’re both deflecting multiple issues here, and Beca wishes Chloe’s eyes weren’t so blue and still filled with concern even when she’s basically glaring at Chloe.

“What do you want to hear, Chloe?” she asks, shoulders dropping. “What - do you want to hear about how everything’s been different without you? Do you want to hear how I stay up all night mixing tracks and making new mixes because I don’t know how to stop without you calling me to bed? Or how I focus on work so I don’t have to think about you? Do you want to hear about the nights I do try to sleep I end up tossing and turning because the other side of the bed is empty?”

Chloe’s stunned to silence, only able to watch Beca and listen to the things she’s saying. Her heart hurts as Beca keeps adding on, and Chloe knows she made the biggest mistake all those months ago. Beca keeps stepping forward and Chloe’s stepping back until she’s pressed against the wall and Beca’s only two steps away.

“Is that it, Chloe?” Beca adds on, humorless laughter coming from her throat. “Is that what you came here for?”

The redhead isn’t sure if Beca’s completely lost it or if she’s trying to be genuine - the lines were blurred as soon as Chloe stepped into the apartment - but she’s trying to search Beca’s eyes or something -  _ anything _ \- that tells her what to do next.

“I fucked up,” Chloe all but whispers, eyes still searching.

Another humorless laugh from Beca, this time quieter. 

“You think you did?” Beca asks rhetorically. “What about me, Chloe? There’s a reason you broke up with me, and god I don’t know what it was specifically, but I must have fucked up big time if the one person who’s stuck with me through everything decided to walk out.”

Tears are in Chloe’s eyes.

“Beca,” she says weakly, swallowing the lump in her throat.

Beca looks lost. Chloe’s heart hurts even more.

“What did I do, Chloe?”

She sounds so small and insecure, so unsure of herself.

The woman she had sworn she’d be with forever, the one who walked away and left no trace of herself, was trapped between her and a wall, tears in her eyes and no words coming out.

She wasn’t sure what her first interaction with Chloe would be like, but she swears it would’ve gone nothing like this.

“Chloe, I...”

Beca’s voice breaks, empty and hollow. She’s swallowing back a sob.

Chloe doesn’t register the fact she’s reaching out and grabbing Beca’s t-shirt until she’s tugging the brunette those small two steps closer and their lips crash together in haste. Beca stumbles put she catches herself as she throws her hands up against the wall on either side of Chloe.

It’s rough and sloppy and aggressive, but both of them melt into it all the same.

One of Beca’s hand falls to Chloe’s waist, holding the redhead steady as the other stays pressed against the wall to keep her upright. Chloe’s hands are balled in Beca’s shirt, keeping her close as her lips meet Beca’s again and again.

In the back of Beca’s mind, she knows what she’s doing and know that she should  _ stop _ , but kissing Chloe’s the closest she thinks she’ll ever get to heaven and she’ll be damned if she doesn’t enjoy even for a moment. So instead she lets her hand come away from the wall and tangle her fingers into Chloe’s hair, practically using her body to press Chloe against the wall in order to say upright. 

For Beca, kissing Chloe feels like everything she’s found everything she’s been missing since the redhead left.

Chloe feels Beca’s grip on her waist tighten, as if she could disappear at any given moment. She swipes her tongue in Beca’s mouth wanting more, more, more. She knows this selfish of her, knows that this won’t get them anywhere, but she’s missed Beca’s lips against hers and the way Beca used to always hold her as if Chloe was her most prized possession.

Beca shifts so her leg slips in between Chloe’s. She leans forward just a little, just for enough pressure that Chloe gasps in Beca’s mouth and almost lets out a moan. It’s this little jolt that snaps Chloe back to reality. Her eyes snap open and she pulls her head back so quickly that she almost bangs it against the way behind her.

“Bec-Beca,” she gasps out, releasing the balled up t-shirt in her fists.

Beca’s panting, and her eyes open ever so slowly, like she’s afraid of what she’s going to see. She pulls her leg back, realizing the position they’ve found themselves in.

“I -” she stutters out, hand dropping away from Chloe’s waist and slowly pulling the other out of her hair. “Sorry,” she breathes, taking a big step back. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Chloe shakes her head. “I’m - I shouldn’t have - I’m sorry.”

She straightens up and pushes off of the wall, running a hand through her hair. Beca doesn’t look away from her at all.

Chloe thinks she’s mad. She can’t quite understand the look on her face, but she’s expecting Beca to be mad at her. How dare she leave all those months ago, show up unannounced, and then try to kiss her?

Chloe’s honestly mortified for herself at this point. She feels uneasy under Beca’s gaze.

“What did I do,” Beca starts, eyes still solely on Chloe. “for you to leave?”

Chloe looks at her for a long moment, breathing slowly evening back out from the short and breathless pants. They stare at each other for a long beat, but this time neither of them are defensive or ready to pounce to get what they want to here.

There is only Chloe.

There is only Beca.

“I thought I was holding you back.”

Beca’s face doesn’t change for a second and Chloe initially thinks she didn’t even hear her, but then Beca’s face falls and there are about five different emotions in her eyes.

“How could you ever think something like that?”

Beca sounds so distraught that Chloe’s heart aches.

Chloe looks at her helplessly. “It was all coming together for you,” she shrugs. “Everything was happening for you and I didn’t want to be another thing that held you back or kept you from reaching your full potential.”

“You could never be that for me,” Beca tells her, navy eyes wide and Beca looks so visibly upset. “I don’t - why would you ever think that’s something you would be?”

“I don’t know,” Chloe admits, shaking her head. “I just...the label didn’t even want you in a relationship anyway and we knew that. I didn’t...I didn’t want you to turn down anything or miss out on opportunities because of me. I can’t let you do that, Beca.”

Shit.

Of course.

Leave it to Chloe to be the most selfless person on the planet. Leave it to Chloe to be the one who will put Beca before herself, this time and every time.

(How could she let it get to the point where Chloe freakin’ Beale thought she could ever hold Beca back?

How could she let Chloe think that there was ever a part of this that wasn’t supposed to include her?)

Beca’s eyebrows knit together and she takes a step towards Chloe again, this time making sure she’s still keeping her distance.

“I need you,” she tells Chloe in a raw voice. “I can’t do this - I can’t be the best person that I can be without you.”

She looks at Chloe and her cool and clear facade breaks for a moment.

“Shit,” she hisses.

“Beca?”

“I’m fine,” Beca murmurs, and she means it for the first time in a long time. “I just - I’m not good at this.”

“That’s okay,” Chloe assures her in a gentle tone. “Use your words, Bec. For me?”

It’s something she used to say all the time, when she could tell Beca had about a million thoughts on her mind, a hundred words on the tip of her tongue.

Beca offers a ghost of a smile, watery and fleeting. “You make me better, Chlo. You always made me better. I wouldn’t even  _ be _ where I am if you didn’t barge into my damn shower all those years ago - if you didn’t insist I join some acapella group you loved more than anything.”

At this, Chloe can’t help but laugh. When Beca hears her laugh, this time she can’t help but smile at the sound, letting out her own soft laughter as well.

She takes another step closer, and Chloe doesn’t dare move. She stays, watches Beca carefully. Her eyes are beginning to water, but she can’t really process that right now. All she knows and understands is Beca Mitchell.

“I need you so bad, Chloe,” she tells her. “And not just, you know, in  _ that _ way - which like, yeah, definitely,” her cheeks flush and Chloe bites her lip to stop herself from laughing again. “But I’ve been absolutely miserable without you.”

Beca throws her hands up a ridiculous look on her face. “I ended up in the damn hospital without you!” she reminds the both of them, running a hand through her hair. “I can’t remember life without you, and these past few months without you have been the worst.”

Chloe frowns. “You never tried to call me or figure out where I went.”

“I...was mad,” Beca shrugs. “And I figured you wouldn’t want to hear from me after you left.”

Chloe’s shoulders drop and she reaches out, tugging on Beca’s wrists to bring her just a little bit closer.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “You don’t have to take me back or anything. That’s not why I came.”

There’s something that begins to light up in Beca’s eyes.

“It can be.”

Chloe smiles just a little before she continues, “I had to make sure you were okay.”

“Please stay,” Beca whispers.

She doesn’t give a damn if it sounds like she’s begging. Her hands move to grab Chloe’s and she intertwines their fingers. She leans forward enough to press their foreheads together. Her eyes are beginning to water and Beca blinks plenty, forcing the tears back.

“Beca, I-”

“I know,” Beca promises, noticing the hesitation in Chloe’s vibrant eyes. “We can still talk about this, and I know it’ll take some time, but I just...I just miss you.”

Tears are beginning to fall from Chloe’s eyes and Beca wants to wipe all of them away. She squeezes Chloe’s hands as support instead.

“I miss you too,” Chloe tells her, voice cracking just a little. “I miss everything about you.”

It’s then that Beca breaks. Tears begin to flow freely from her eyes, and she mutters a curse word under her breath while Chloe giggles through her tears and squeezes Beca’s hands in support just like the brunette did a moment ago.

“Stay,” Beca says again as the tears continue to fall. “I don’t think I can take it if you walk out that door right now.”

Chloe sighs, her eyes so big and pretty even as she cries.

Beca knows that this is only the beginning, that there is a lot to be worked out, but right now Chloe simply nods and murmurs as quiet “okay” before Beca is tugging her back towards the bedroom.

(Chloe presses kisses into her hair.

Beca sleeps the whole night.)

 

* * *

 

Beca is  _ fine. _

She’s just returned to Los Angeles after headlining her first-ever tour: fifteen cities between the states and Canada in the past couple months. It’s still so surreal to her, the fact people will pay to see her sing. It’s not something she’s used to - especially when she’s doing it alone - but she can’t say she hates it.

There’s a rush she gets from the encouraging crowd, something about the way they’re genuinely excited to hear her.

And sure, she’s still the same awkward Beca Mitchell she’s always been, but now she’s like, awkward Beca Mitchell with fans.

It’s weird.

Beca touched down in Los Angeles in the early hours of the morning, having flown all the way from New York after her last night. She hardly remembers the ride to her apartment, or changing and crawling into bed for that matter, but she guesses it happened because she wakes up with her own sheets around her.

She opens her eyes slowly, shifting and squinting from the bright light in the room. When her eyes focus she smiles when she sees a redhead standing in front of their open closet, clad in nothing besides a bra and underwear with damp hair.

“Hey you,” she greets, her voice scratchy and groggy from sleep and the exhaustion.

Chloe spins around, her face immediately lighting up when she realizes Beca’s awake. The clothes in the closet are immediately forgotten as she makes way to the bed, crawling onto it carefully until she’s straddling Beca.

“Welcome home Becs,” she murmurs quietly, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss against her lips. “I missed you,” she adds against Beca’s lips before pulling away.

Beca smiles at her, hand reaching up and tucking away a strand of Chloe’s damp hair. “God I really missed you too,” she replies. “I didn’t wake you up when I came home, did I?”

Chloe shakes her head, her fingers coming up and caressing Beca’s cheek. The brunette leans into the touch, eyes fluttering at the contact she’s craved desperately while on tour.

“No,” she answers. “but I’m so glad you’re home.”

Beca thinks back to all the late night FaceTimes and good luck texts. She thinks about all the nights she wished Chloe would be in the crowd as an anchor. She thinks about the days she’d seriously consider just flying home to see Chloe, even if for a few hours.

“Me too.”

They both know now how they will always function better together. Waking up to Chloe every day is her favorite thing. Being able to come home and show Chloe her newest track or tell her about something exciting the label said to her today while Chloe looks at her with the proudest smile makes her feel like everything she does is worth it. Having Chloe here to steady her when things get tough or it’s all too much is what Beca knows she’s been missing all along.

And Chloe looks at her now, eyes full of affection and love it could almost make Beca’s heart burst.

She lifts her head a little, hand reaching up for Chloe’s chin and she kisses her slowly and wanting, trying to make up for all the time they’ve spent apart.

Chloe falls into it momentarily, but she’s quick to pull away and press a kiss to Beca’s forehead. 

Beca groans, letting her head fall back onto the pillow while Chloe sits up and giggles.

“I have to get ready,” Chloe tells her, brushing a strand of hair away from Beca’s face. “I’m going into the clinic today.”

Beca whines. “Call in,” she requests. “Stay in bed with me.”

Chloe rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling anyway as she pushes off of the bed and away from Beca. “I’m not trying to get fired from my job, babe.”

The brunette pouts, but Chloe’s quick to lean over and peck her lips and hover over her for a moment.

“Get some rest,” she tells her gently. “I’ll be home before you know it.”

She’s still pouting, but it doesn’t last for long because Chloe is looking at her with all the love in the world and honestly, there’s nothing better.

Beca is  _ fine. _

She really is.


End file.
